The New A-Team


Title: Captain America: Civil War

Rating: 2 Stars

For me the key moment in the film is when the police, who are simply doing their job to catch a suspected assassin of a king, are about to burst in on Bucky and Captain America. Captain America tells Bucky not to kill anyone and Bucky promises that he won’t.

They then proceed to kick the living shit out of all of the police. Technically, you don’t see anyone die, but you can pretty sure that there are major concussions, broken limbs, and serious possibility of minor injuries like paralysis.

They then lead a chase throughout the city, destroying tunnels, causing accidents, committing probably billions of dollars of property damage, and again, although no one overtly dies, it’s pretty clear that major injuries result and there’s probably a really good chance that someone completely innocent is now dead.

In another scene, in, what I’m guessing is a fully functional, but now conveniently vacated airport, the two gangs of Avengers beat up on each other. From the witty repartee, there is clearly no serious intent of bodily harm. In fact, a couple of the Avengers are pretty unprotected mortals and could be very easily killed, but no serious attempt is made.

Meanwhile, although vacant, this appears to be a sizable, active airport. It, along with several planes, are thoroughly destroyed, probably causing billions of dollars in damage.

And these are the good guys.

Hence, my belief that the Avengers are now the new A-Team, who in their 80’s prime, wreaked all kinds of chaos and violence, and yet made a point of showing that everyone that they hurt was at least twitching a bit (ie alive).

I posted about this previously. The fundamental flaw of superhero movies is that there is no suspense. You’re not going to kill Superman (or if you do, everyone knows that in some form he will be resurrected).

So, no one dies in this Civil War. One Avenger is paralyzed, but it’s clear by the end of the movie that the magic of technology will soon fix that little setback. Oh, by the way, for the record, over a million soldiers died in the American Civil War.  Just sayin’…

This is the price for writing movies designed for the ethics of a 14 year old boy. There is no shading. There is only black and white. You can only stand on some form of runaway individualism by demonstrating absolute loyalty to a friend with no concerns for the utter havoc that you wreak upon the world.

Again, that’s the good guy. That’s Captain America. Well, possibly Marvel is doing some ultra deep ironic mind-fuck by showing that, yes, that truly this is what America stands for right now. We’ll do whatever we want, fuck the UN, solely for the benefit of ourselves and the friends that we have at the moment. If so, then hats off and this movie will be studied 200 years from now to help us understand the rise of Trump.

Of course, then at the end, with the Civil War still raging, after Captain America has proven that he has betrayed Tony Stark the entire time that he has known him, he sends Stark a love note basically saying, we’re still good, right brah?

For fucks sake.



One thought on “The New A-Team

  1. Wow, finding other negative or even mixed reviews of Civil War is like finding a unicorn. Finally, someone else upset at Marvel not even having the guts to cripple a minor character to raise the stakes.

    I wrote a review for this myself over at a little movie blog I’m trying to start: come on by if you want to see someone else who doesn’t agree with the majority on this one!


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