Don’t Piss off a Bored Immortal


Title: He Never Died

Rating: 4 Stars

It’s a great idea for a movie. Henry Rollins plays a deadpan, world weary man just trying to get through each day.

He meets up regularly with a hospital intern. He gives him a sum of money and the intern gives him a suspicious looking package. He then returns to the apartment and loads it into the refrigerator.

And then his life is turned upside down. His intern is kidnapped, brutally tortured, and hospitalized. He no longer has his supply. Mysterious people show up and try to hurt him. He gets seriously injured, but it leaves him unfazed. His apparent daughter shows up.

He just wants everyone to leave him alone, let him rest in bed, go to the corner diner, and occasionally eat human flesh.

Yes, that’s right, human flesh. It turns out that he is Cain, as in from the bible, and he has been condemned to endlessly wander the world and sustain himself through consumption of human flesh.

This is apparently the basis for a mini-series, which could hold a lot of potential. I’m visualizing it as kind of like the Kung Fu series, except with more cannibalism. As an aside, I guess that I’m kind of an idiot, because the protagonist of the original Kung Fu series was himself named Caine, who wandered aimlessly around the American West after being kicked out of a monastery for killing someone. Well, duh.

Anyway, I really enjoyed Rollins deadpan manner. His entire manner is that of a man who has lived for far too long and has seen far too much. There is nothing new under the sun, and he is resigned to that fact.

The action shots, as people futilely tried to take him out with gunshots to the head and knives to the back, were bleakly hilarious.

It was a movie that barely played in the theaters and I had completely low expectations of it. It was an unexpected delight to watch.


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